Loving Myself for Valentine’s Day

February 14th, 2016 , Bess

salvation mountain

This Valentine’s Day marks ten months, one week and four days since I last had sex. I know what you’re thinking. How the Hell is a woman in her sexual prime abstinent longer than gestation? Easy. I spent time loving myself instead of looking for love through sexual gratification.

My relocation to Seattle wasn’t easy and it certainly wasn’t the transition I expected. Something felt missing and it wasn’t just the D. My emotionally unavailable Tinder swipes didn’t cut it, because who wants to date an indecisive mope? Instead of looking for seven inches of satisfaction (fingers crossed anyway) I focused on bettering myself. I joined a yoga studio, perfected cannabis photography, overhauled my interior decor and made peace with the Pacific Northwest. I focused on the relationship with myself and I loved it.

So why don’t more women do this?

If I read one more *feminist* blog where women unabashedly rip apart their one night stands, I’m going to punch my monitor. Female-focused media (I’m looking at you Cosmopolitan and SATC) perpetuate the notion women have to get laid, even if it means disrespecting themselves in the process.

Here’s a feeble notion for my sexually active generation — stop sleeping with people who don’t or won’t respect you. Share your energy with partners who appreciate it, not those who feel entitled to it. I’m by no means perfect, nor holding out for marriage, but I am dang picky, as women should be. Give your goddess energy to a man who’s worth it. It makes the whole experience more fulfilling, both physically and emotionally. Plus no worries about him bouncing before you climax.

Just to clarify, I’m not bashing hookups or one-night stands. In fact, I have three close friends who married theirs, but that’s the exception to the rule. I mean really ladies, can you expect a guy who invested an hour of drunken conversation over a $12 cocktail to care about your orgasm?

For most of the dating pool, we drown in hormones and confusion after fucking on the first date, and understandably so. Our bodies are hardwired to bond with sexual partners and one study has suggested women retain the DNA of their past lovers. Much of this uncertainty is preventable if you get to know someone before getting down. It’s not rocket science, friends, it’s hormones.

I’ll wrap my annual Valentine’s Day post with a note of positivity. 2016 is on track to be a better year than the last. I’ve lived fearlessly and for myself. I gained introspection while planting seeds of self-love. I’m in a place where I can love on my own terms, which gives me better radar to find the man of my dreams, wherever he may be.

(confidently swipes right)

♥ BB

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