Ladies we’ve all been there. You’re six dates deep and things are going great. You’ve done dinner, had drinks, met friends, talked cats, it’s almost too good to be true. Then, out of nowhere, the love boat sinks and your soldier goes AWOL. No texts. No calls. No tweets. No likes. Radio silence. That’s right, you’ve been given the Disappearing Man Act.
What is the Disappearing Man Act? How do you know you’re getting it? First and foremost, when dating let him get ahold of you. Too available is unattractive. So are mind games. Reply when you can and engage in dialogue to show you’re interested. Fast forward to date five. What once took seconds to yield a reply, now takes minutes. Minutes turn into hours, hours into days. Did something happen? Did his phone break? Did he lose interest?
Test the waters by sending a text. If he doesn’t reply, wait a day. Maybe (and this is a real iffy) send one more text. If communication was consistent and you feel comfortable, call instead. Leave a voicemail so there’s no excuse. Then wait. If it takes him more than a few hours, chances are he’s trying to distance himself via the DMA (Disappearing Man Act).
In the digital age, it’s become increasingly difficult to avoid the Disappearing Man Act. Technology has led to the demise of dating. Communication has become impersonal. It’s easy to ignore calls. Pretend texts are missed. Oh you liked my photo? Sorry, I didn’t see that with the other 397 likes received. If we stop liking someone, it’s easy to unfollow, ignore and save face. Why is it socially acceptable to “unlike” the real world?
So now what? Reality bitch slapped you and it’s apparent the dude has disappeared. You may want to call until he answers, text 24/7 and stalk his social media. Whatever you do, don’t. This gives off the illusion you’re a) crazy b) desperate or c) both, and no one likes that. Instead, here are five suggestions for dealing with a disappearing man:
1. Sweat It Out: Getting brushed off blows. Why wouldn’t someone want to date you? Instead of drowning your sorrows in booze, which only leaves you bloated and hungover, hit the gym. The boost of endorphins will lift your spirits. You’ll feel better, which means you’ll look better. That eye candy on the elliptical is an added bonus.
2. Treat Yourself: Whether it’s new shoes, a spa day or time alone, treat yourself. You work hard. You’re a rad woman. You deserve it. Sometimes a little self-indulgence is necessary. You gave him time, now give yourself time.
3. Still Get It: Your time is limited. Between a career, friends, family and fitness, who has time for dating? Moreover, who has time for dating that actually leads to sex!? It’s no longer taboo for women to use sex toys. Luckily Adam & Eve has over 200 vibrators for under $30. Who says a party of one isn’t fun?
4. Focus on Friends: Instead of dwelling on someone that doesn’t want to be with you, focus on those who do. Reach out to friends, even if it’s just a call. Channeling your vibes to people who enjoy your company will only help manifest a man that does too.
5. Accept It: Sorry, it’s true. Not everyone in life will like you. Don’t worry about what you did wrong or why he’s not right. Accept that some people aren’t meant to be together. Make peace and move on.
I’m not saying the aforementioned suggestions erase the pain caused by a disappearing man, but they will help refocus your energy. Besides, a man who pulls the DMA, isn’t a man in the first place.
Oh, and what if, by some freak reason, your man resurfaces? Hear him out, but trust your gut. I’m a sucker for second chances. Just remember: fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
*This is a guest post editorial inspired by true life.