♥ BB

Drunken booty calls. Friends with benefits. “It’s complicated” relationship status. Sound familiar? If you’re between the ages of 18 and 35, chances are, you too are (or have been) a part of the hookup culture.

The hookup culture, which emerged on college campuses, is seen from high schools to the working world. It’s the idea (or reality) that dates are now replaced with casual hangouts or hookups that lack any real emotion. As a result, young adults get a false sense of sexual empowerment, but are left feeling empty, lonely or regretful.

If we regret our hookups, why the popularity? According to Justin Garcia, sex researcher at the Kinsey Institute, over half the respondents in a recent study said they hook up because they hope to start a romantic relationship. Students prefer casual sex because they’re too busy to maintain a relationship, yet see a long-term monogamous relationship as their end goal. If you’re too old to hookup, but too young for marriage, what happens in between?

A “friends with benefits” situation gave some firsthand insight. On one hand, an easy O is enticing. On the other, he might only view you as benefits, and miss the genuine friend. Do you do it anyway and risk the friendship, or backtrack the booty calls and lay down boundaries? Is a “friendly” hookup even possible?

In one word: no. During sex, the pituitary glad (it’s in your brain) secretes oxytocin. This chemical increases sexual arousal, receptivity and, whether you like it or not, bonding. It’s exactly why women get “clingy” after sex.

Easy sex is good, but great sex is mental. Hookups are robotic. Take off shirt. Kiss. Take off pants. Go down… If you subliminally feel someone’s actions are only means to an ends, it’s going to impact your orgasm. On top of that, mentally rehashing STD stats while getting oral is a total buzz kill. Passionate sex and the ability to let loose makes a major difference.

Alas, not all is lost. Some men still ask women out. However, many are apprehensive saying after a few dates, women interpret this as “on track to a relationship.” As a result, they don’t ask. Those that do usually pull a DMA. How else should women interpret PDAs, compliments and frequent communication? Unfortunately we live in a society where politeness is mistaken for something more.

Hang up the hookup culture. It’s empowering. Ok, sex maybe once a year sucks, but it beats a broken heart. Get to know people before getting down. They will not only respect you, but likely be more attracted to you. A good personality is sexy. Who wants to date someone they laid on the first night? Moreover, if you know someone’s personality, you might see it wouldn’t work in the first place. Retire them to the friend shelf, because sometimes the best relationships start out as friendships.

Many of us don’t want a relationship, but companionship. We want someone to share in our success, travels, love and laughter. There’s a misconception with Millennials that we can sleep our way to a relationship and it’s just not true.

So until there’s a 10-point seriousness scale, with 1 being a one-night-stand and 10 being marriage, we’ll continue to battle the waves of the dating tide pool. While we might be drowning in loneliness and confusion, at least it’s better to die with dignity.

♥ BB

*Photo is for illustrative purposes only. You know that ‘ish wouldn’t fly with me.

This is not about political parties. This is about freedom. This is a must watch.

Why does NSA’s monitoring of US citizens matter?

“Because even if you’re not doing anything wrong, you’re being watched and recorded.”

Haven’t heard about NSA? Click here, here or here to read how the US government watches you.

♥ BB

p.s. I’m well aware this post probably put me on a watch list (if I wasn’t already). Give me liberty or give me death.

Showing some blog love to my very talented friend and neighbor Guigo for his latest film LANDSCAPE.

LANDSCAPE is a documentary about Venice-based artist Jennifer Wolf. She uses minerals from the earth to create one-of-a-kind paintings that explore the emotional connection that comes with discovering the land.

Jen’s work will be on display at the William Turner Gallery in Los Angeles with a reception Saturday, June 1st from 6:30 PM to 8:30 PM. The event will also feature Guigo’s full length documentary. If you’re in LA and looking to absorb the arts, then look no further.

Also, to my fellow LA creatives, if you need a producer for your next film, check out Guigo’s work. Hailing from Brazil, he’s brought his talent Stateside and we’re lucky to have it.

♥ BB

Showing some love to my favorite salon, retail boutique and event space, The Well.

The Well is without a doubt the best place in LA to get your hair done, snag some new threads and party your face off. Top LA brands like Unif, Clover Canyon and AGAIN adorn the racks. They also carry unique vintage gems like Vivienne Westwood and COMME des GARCONS. Need a trim or touchup? Jefferson is all Davines, all business and the best. As for parties, you never know who they’ll bring in. Juicy J and Gaslamp Killer are just two of The Well’s performing artists.

If you’re downtown LA tomorrow, stop by The Well for a sneak preview of their Spring 2013 arrivals. They’ll feature releases from Tovar, Publish Bright Future and many more. Complimentary drinks and snacks will get your weekend started right.

Dress well. Stay well. I love The Well.

♥ BB

Ladies we’ve all been there. You’re six dates deep and things are going great. You’ve done dinner, had drinks, met friends, talked cats, it’s almost too good to be true. Then, out of nowhere, the love boat sinks and your soldier goes AWOL. No texts. No calls. No tweets. No likes. Radio silence. That’s right, you’ve been given the Disappearing Man Act.

What is the Disappearing Man Act? How do you know you’re getting it? First and foremost, when dating let him get ahold of you. Too available is unattractive. So are mind games. Reply when you can and engage in dialogue to show you’re interested. Fast forward to date five. What once took seconds to yield a reply, now takes minutes. Minutes turn into hours, hours into days. Did something happen? Did his phone break? Did he lose interest?

Test the waters by sending a text. If he doesn’t reply, wait a day. Maybe (and this is a real iffy) send one more text. If communication was consistent and you feel comfortable, call instead. Leave a voicemail so there’s no excuse. Then wait. If it takes him more than a few hours, chances are he’s trying to distance himself via the DMA (Disappearing Man Act).

In the digital age, it’s become increasingly difficult to avoid the Disappearing Man Act. Technology has led to the demise of dating. Communication has become impersonal. It’s easy to ignore calls. Pretend texts are missed. Oh you liked my photo? Sorry, I didn’t see that with the other 397 likes received. If we stop liking someone, it’s easy to unfollow, ignore and save face. Why is it socially acceptable to “unlike” the real world?

So now what? Reality bitch slapped you and it’s apparent the dude has disappeared. You may want to call until he answers, text 24/7 and stalk his social media. Whatever you do, don’t. This gives off the illusion you’re a) crazy b) desperate or c) both, and no one likes that. Instead, here are five suggestions for dealing with a disappearing man:

1. Sweat It Out: Getting brushed off blows. Why wouldn’t someone want to date you? Instead of drowning your sorrows in booze, which only leaves you bloated and hungover, hit the gym. The boost of endorphins will lift your spirits. You’ll feel better, which means you’ll look better. That eye candy on the elliptical is an added bonus.

2. Treat Yourself: Whether it’s new shoes, a spa day or time alone, treat yourself. You work hard. You’re a rad woman. You deserve it. Sometimes a little self-indulgence is necessary. You gave him time, now give yourself time.

3. Still Get It: Your time is limited. Between a career, friends, family and fitness, who has time for dating? Moreover, who has time for dating that actually leads to sex!? It’s no longer taboo for women to use sex toys. Luckily Adam & Eve has over 200 vibrators for under $30. Who says a party of one isn’t fun?

4. Focus on Friends: Instead of dwelling on someone that doesn’t want to be with you, focus on those who do. Reach out to friends, even if it’s just a call. Channeling your vibes to people who enjoy your company will only help manifest a man that does too.

5. Accept It: Sorry, it’s true. Not everyone in life will like you. Don’t worry about what you did wrong or why he’s not right. Accept that some people aren’t meant to be together. Make peace and move on.

I’m not saying the aforementioned suggestions erase the pain caused by a disappearing man, but they will help refocus your energy. Besides, a man who pulls the DMA, isn’t a man in the first place.

Oh, and what if, by some freak reason, your man resurfaces? Hear him out, but trust your gut. I’m a sucker for second chances. Just remember: fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

♥ BB

*This is a guest post editorial inspired by true life.

Dear President Obama,

This morning while walking to work, a group of young adults on the Venice Boardwalk asked me for money. “We’re only $1.50 short until 40-ounces to freedom.”

Bewildered, mainly because he was homeless and I on my walk to work, turned around. Did I hear him correctly? I let the gentleman and his friends know I don’t have money to spare (hence going to work) and that the US Government took almost one-fourth of my $40k salary in taxes last year. Everyone standing around quickly chimed in, “Yeah, that’s why I don’t pay taxes.” “Fuck the government, who pays taxes?”

I let these people know nearly half of Americans pay zero income taxes. I then asked if any of these people collect government services such as unemployment or food stamps. A majority of the group, including the man who asked for money, said he uses food stamps. I then replied I’ve already given him money. A look of confusion swept the group, obviously unable to correlate their food stamps and my taxes.

Before walking off, the gentleman said the government ruined his life so he deserved an EBT card. I asked how they did so. He couldn’t reply, just kept saying they did.

I’m writing you this letter to illustrate the blatant fraud committed by people collecting government services. If you don’t have money for food, you shouldn’t be drinking. If you’re proud to take from the government (i.e. steal from the tax payer), you shouldn’t receive benefits. When you’re at a party and see someone cutting cocaine with an EBT card, something has gone awry.

I find it extremely disturbing in the midst of a financial crisis, we aren’t looking at food stamps, unemployment and free phones as ways to cut back spending. The highest median income is in Washington DC. Last year the White House had 54 Christmas trees. Your golf weekend in Florida could fund 351 furloughed Federal employees.

It is painfully obvious rampant spending, not income (because tax revenue is now the highest in 30 years) is the problem with our national debt. DHS recently released 5,000 illegal aliens, the White House wants to ax visitor tours and you plan to furlough federal employees while hiring 400 more. The sequester and budget debacle is a smokescreen for the real issue: government greed. The first thing cut should be politicians’ paychecks. Lest you’ve forgotten, you are an elected official who works for us. We do not work for you.

The attitudes espoused by Americans today are reminiscent of Maoism, where everyone feels government entitlement without pitching in. Having lived in China, seeing first-hand the detriment caused by government dependence, I will do everything in my power to stop us from traveling down that path. It’s why I volunteer. It’s why I stay politically active. It’s why I work hard. We are owned by China. We cannot keep spending money we do not have.

Mr. President, you’re a smart man. You know the policies put in effect will not benefit Americans long-term. Look at history, as it’s our greatest teacher. When more people take from the system than pay into the system, it collapses. America is being collapsed from within.

I would like to conclude by reminding you financial freedom is power. Government dependence is slavery. Take off the shackles. Let us keep our taxes and spend the money locally. This is how we change America. There’s a sleeping giant in America, and we’re starting to wake up.

It’s not about parties. It’s about people. Power to the people.

♥ BB

Also a friendly reminder about your campaign promise. FYI my taxes went up over $700 this year.

“I will cut taxes – cut taxes – for 95 percent of all working families, because, in an economy like this, the last thing we should do is raise taxes on the middle class.”

- Barack Obama

By your mid-20′s friends start to have serious long-term relationships, get engaged/married or have babies. For those unattached, family and friends can be a constant reminder of singledom and its sorrows. I’ve heard friends say they “will find love this year.” Is love something you find? Love isn’t like finding new shoes or a vintage couch. To me, love is something that happens when you least expect it. Love is something you can’t force, no matter how much you want it. Loving the idea of love, isn’t love, it’s desperation. (cough, women on The Bachelor, cough)

I’ve been single for six years. What do I know about love? Lots, or so I think. What I experienced as love, I knew in my heart wasn’t. I’ve dated. I’ve been dumped. I’ve done the dumping. Why? Because when you feel it, you know. Friends in successful relationships, marriages or partnerships have described the magnetic attraction felt when you meet “the one.” I’m not saying to analyze every date as future husband or wife material, but if you aren’t feeling it, what’s the point?

A couple years back I wrote about settling down. Through observation (or everyone blasting their relationships on the Web) I believe people now reach a point where they stop searching for true love and settle for the next willing partner. Why is this? Why are we so afraid of our biological clock that we sacrifice our heart?

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t lonely. Just like most women, I want companionship. I want a life partner, someone to have my back through thick and thin. I want a man who sends me cat videos and political articles, who thinks I’m beautiful even with morning hair, who appreciates my gardening, giving back and great sense of humor. I want someone to love from now until death, and even in death we will love each other to eternity.

Jesus Christ, why am I crying? (checks menstrual calendar) Ok, that explains it…

Anyways, I guess the point of my post is to remind everyone to love with all your heart. Whether you’re single, steady or settled for 50 years, you have to give love to get love. Love isn’t a goal you set in your calendar. It’s not something you *hope* happens later in the relationship. Love is an emotion so powerful, even Webster can’t define it. So until you feel it, keep loving. Keep searching. Don’t give up. If you already feel it, don’t stop giving it. When you’re gone, let your love live on.

Happy singles awareness day, from me, my cat and a bottle of white.

♥ BB

So I spent $4 on the pen I’m using to write this e-mail with. Yup. I am handwriting this one, and will type it out unedited once I land in Hawaii, as I always do on flights. I hate flying. It’s such a waste of time, albeit a necessary one. Everybody around me is sleeping. Those lucky bastards. I can’t sleep with my legs all bent and my head breathing and rebreathing the same air over and over and over.

B

Hey guys, ladies still like letters. Heck, I’ll take a letter over a text, tweet or email any day.

Brad Kageno, you are a gem! Well, except maybe to the hooker on your flight…

♥ BB

A few photos from one of my favorite photographers and friends, the talented Neil Favila. I heard of Neil’s photography before moving to LA, so to have him snap my pics is very flattering. Very thankful.

Click here to see more of his work. Make sure you’re not busy, because you’ll spend a lot of time looking!

♥ BB